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Marital Communication – Part 2

By: | Tags: | Comments: 0 | June 17th, 2023

“Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know that a love grows by reason and choice, not instinct.   I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth living.” (from “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, p.35)

After the honeymoon phase of a marriage, you will soon come to realize that your spouse is not quite the perfect person you had originally thought. The reality is that you will see the person for whom they are – the good and not so good.   It is your choice to accept this person and grow together with him or her.

To grow a relationship requires effort and discipline. One of the things you can do as a husband or wife is to study your spouse.  It means paying attention to their habits, what their strengths and weaknesses are, how they handle conflict, how they make decisions, and how they feel about themselves.


You invest time understanding your husband or wife not out of obligation but because of your commitment to your spouse. Growth also happens when we experience conflict and failures.  Problems are inevitable but do not have to derail a marriage.  They can be successfully resolved when a husband and wife acknowledge, validates, and empathizes with the other.

In summary, it is important to communicate to our spouse that we are looking out for them as described above. In a future blog, I will talk about the love languages described by Gary Chapman in his book “The Five Love Languages”. The importance of knowing what love language our spouse speaks and being able to speak their language is vital to a healthy and dynamic marriage.
Linda Luecke  MA, LPC

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