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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

By: | Tags: | Comments: 0 | July 5th, 2023

The above title is from a Clash song about one’s indecisiveness in breaking off a bad relationship.  He knows that if he leaves there will be trouble but the decision to stay would be even worse.  Nonetheless, the songwriter notes that it is up to the partner (who appears to be controlling the relationship) to make the decision in spite of the troubles they are having.

I have counseled individuals who have been or are currently caught up in an unhealthy relationship.  These relationships include married, engaged, uncommitted couples and employee-employer ones as well.  Characteristics of unhealthy relationships include
*constant conflict with no resolution

*controlling the activities of the other

*blaming the other person and accepting no responsibility for the problems

*demoralizing or depersonalizing the other through physical, emotional, sexual abuse

*being a doormat – i.e., not putting one’s foot down and saying “no, that’s not good for me”
*invalidating the other’s thoughts and feelings.

*turning a blind eye towards questionable or unethical behavior or practices, illegal activities and staying in the relationship because you need attention, a nice lifestyle, or maybe you think no one else would want you

If you are unhappy in a present relationship and the relationship is interfering with your overall well-being, you need to stop and be honest with yourself. Are the unhealthy behaviors you are seeing really worth putting up with?  Can you still be a happy person and deal with the normal stresses of life and tolerate a “bad” relationship at the same time? Do you believe you and your spouse, etc can work out the problems together and take responsibility for the problems? 

It can take a lot of courage to face the reality and do something about it.  By all means, please seek help for yourself through a trusted professional who can guide you in making the right decision for yourself.
Linda Luecke  MA, LPC

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